


Penis Ouija

by kelpie_flavored



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Meteorstuck, Post-Retcon, penis ouija, the vriska meetings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-24
Updated: 2018-07-24
Packaged: 2019-06-15 19:30:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15419991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kelpie_flavored/pseuds/kelpie_flavored
Summary: It's post-retcon penis ouija, what more do you need to know?





	Penis Ouija

**Author's Note:**

> Tell me if I've made any spelling errors or if anything is oddly worded.

You and Karkat are sitting, bored, in the common room. Vriska is blabbing on in her know-it-all tone about end-game scenarios and other bullshit that you don’t really feel like worrying about right now. Rose is writing down the shit she’s saying as if it’s actually important or something. Kanaya seems to be begrudgingly listening to what Vriska is saying and occasionally chiming in to reprimand her when Vriska starts accidentally only talking about what she herself is going to do in case of this or that scenario. Terezi is occasionally throwing out weird comments that likely don’t make sense in any language. All-in-all, a normal Vriska meeting.

You can tell your best bro is basically about to fall asleep at this bullshit. You can read him like an open book, and he is not having any of Vriska’s bullshit today. You catch Rose asking Vriska a question and looking away from her notebook and get an idea. “Yo, Karkat.” You whisper to him. He looks over at you and raises an eyebrow. “Hand me Rose’s book? And her pen?” He gives you that look that you know means ‘what are you planning’, but does it anyways. “Yeah, so, could you…” Gotta think of something, “take notes for Rose? She’s kind of distracted.” He looks annoyed, at least it'll keep him occupied.

Karkat doesn't follow your instructions. He just starts doodling. You put your hand over his and try to grip the pen. "That's not what I told you to do, man." He snorts. "Then let go of the pen, asshole." Nope, that won't do. You put your other hand over and start trying to move the pen yourself. "Gotta make you follow those instructions to a T don't I?" You're about to start trying to write actual words when a better idea strikes you. You move the pen so that you start drawing a dick. "Whoa, Karkat, bro, did you just draw a penis?" He's still trying to wrestle the pen away from you. You force him to draw two more. "Why are you drawing all these human penises, Karkat?" He growls. "I'm not drawing them, bulgemunch." You keep making him draw them. "How do you know what they look like? You been spying you me, Vantas?" He tries to suppress a giggle, but you can see the smile spread across his face. 

You draw 3 more. "Wow, Kat. You got a big interest in human anatomy, huh? Is this what gets you going? All these hot human dicks?" He's shaking with how hard he's trying not to laugh now. He's not even fighting to get his hand away. Another shakier drawing of a dick appears, holy shit he's actually the one drawing them now. This is great. He starts giggling. You try to suppress a laugh. "Gettin' ya- getting you real hot and bothered, huh?" He's laughing now. "Pff, Dave you're," he snorts, "you're fucking ridiculous." The lines are getting more and more shaky with your laughter but you draw yet another dick. "Thanks babe, I get that a lot." He bursts out into laughter and puts his head on the table and he's laughing so loud. You giggle at him. He's banging his fist on the table trying to stop laughing.

It's at this point you realize Vriska has stopped talking and Rose is clearing her throat at you. "Dave, Karkat, I understand you dislike these meetings, but they are essential so that we can live comfortably in our new universe when we get it." Karkat is still laughing, but now you're a bit more self-conscious. You try to play it off like being called out doesn't bother you. "Whatever, me an' Karkat were just having fun. Y'all're a bunch of squares." The response is barely mumbled out. Karkat has stopped laughing and is glaring at Rose, so at least you have him on your side. The rest of the meeting is wrapped up fairly quickly and you're very glad for that.

**Author's Note:**

> I might write more post-retcon meteor stuff if anyone wants to give me ideas.


End file.
